Curse of African witch doctor lifted from England squad by Cornish druid
England need all the help they can get to beat Slovenia today and advance to the second round of the World Cup.
So Fabio Capello's side will presumably be happy to hear that the curse that is the real reason for their struggles so far has been lifted.
Ed Prynn, the Archdruid of Cornwall, says he has lifted the magical burden that was placed on the team in Cape Town — by an African witch doctor.
The 73-year-old mystic, from Padstow, said that the likes of Wayne Rooney and Frank Lampard, who have so far performed poorly at the tournament, will now be free to wreak havoc on opposition defences.
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"I have lifted the curse put on the England team by a witch doctor in Africa," he said.
"They will feel like a big black cloud has passed over and it will be a new beginning. People will probably think I've lost my marbles but when the bird landed on the goal during the Algeria game on Friday, it was like a red light telling me the team were in trouble. They were doomed.
"I felt it was my time to help England so I went to a stone hexagon with a hole in the middle and took the curse with me mentally from the east as I passed through the stone to face the west.
"I said to all the angels, mother nature and spirits that are connected with the beyond to help lift the curse off the England team for the rest of the time they in Africa.
"I will know if my spell has worked straight away on Wednesday and England will win – even if it's a penalty shoot- out."
While England fans will no doubt thank the archdruid for helping at our hour of need, he may get a red card from Cornish nationalists, who have campaigned this summer for supermarkets in Cornwall to stop selling "foreign" St George's Crosses for people to display publicly.