St Ives riding high above Penzance and Hayle in sexiest town survey
THE AGE-old rivalry between Penzance and St Ives is fought out on the rugby, hockey and football pitches, on netball courts and in pub darts leagues.
It takes in competition over fishing hauls and fishing grounds and even extends, at this time of year, to who's got the best Christmas lights.
But now there's a new yardstick to measure that passionate rivalry by, and it's all about passion – which town is sexiest?
A saucy survey has assessed every town in the UK and rated their sexy quotient, as well as creating league tables for who spends the most on eye-catching clubbing clothes, kinky gear for the bedroom and even adult DVDs.
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And when the facts are in, the figures are damning. While St Ives is the 174th sexiest place in the UK, Penzance trails behind in 268th.
What's worse for Penzance, the two towns' quieter cousin, Hayle, is both geographically and now sexily piggy-in-the-middle, as the 261 sexiest.
Other figures show that while people in St Ives spend 1.4 times the national average on their sex lives overall, they spend twice the national average on sex games and twice the national average on sexy costumes.
The people of Penzance spend slightly less – 1.2 times the national average on their sex lives overall – but do spend a whopping 3.5 times the national average on adult DVDs and a rather more laudable 2.6 times the national average on clothes for clubbing.
One of the biggest shocks of the survey is that Hayle's biggest spend is apparently on men's fetish clothing.
While the usually restrained town also spends 1.2 times the national average on sex-related purchases generally, Hayle does spend a surprising 3.7 times the national average on fetish clothing for men.
In a commendable bid for equality, Hayle residents do spend 3.1 times the national average on what the surveyors call "better sex for her", although they don't go into detail (perhaps for the best in a family newspaper).
The only consolation for the people of Penzance is that, with Camborne being listed a hard-to-believe 35th sexiest place in the UK and Redruth a not far behind in 40th, the figures are not going to have a huge amount of credibility.