Tickling the funny bone: Dave Awards name top jokes
"I threw a Cornish cream tea at my wife. She went mad and gave me a kick.
"I should have known there's nothing worse than a woman sconed."
I never would have made a comedienne, but funny men and women have been battling it out this summer to make it into the Dave Awards - the top ten funniest jokes from the Edinburgh Festival.
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Here they are:
1) "You know who really gives kids a bad name? Posh and Becks." – Stewart Francis
2) "Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the telly." – Tim Vine
3) "I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed my sister." – Will Marsh
4) "You know you're working class when your TV is bigger than your book case." – Rob Beckett
5) "I'm good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet … I don't know Y." – Chris Turner
6) "I took part in the sun tanning Olympics - I just got Bronze." – Tim Vine
7) "Pornography is often frowned upon, but that's only because I'm concentrating." – George Ryegold
8) "I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!" – Stewart Francis
9) "I waited an hour for my starter so I complained: 'It's not rocket salad." – Lou Sanders
10) "My mum's so pessimistic, that if there was an Olympics for pessimism … she wouldn't fancy her chances." – Nish Kumar
Let us know your funnies, Cornish or otherwise, in the comment box below.