“Government denies trying to bury bad news about Kate’s pregnancy with trivial autumn statement

The government has denied trying to bury bad news about the Duchess of Cambridge's morning sickness by sneaking out an autumn statement full of trivial information about things like the nation's economy.

Pundits say the timing of the government's announcement of cuts to benefits and reforms of the nation's finances was "misjudged" – as it coincided with confirmation by Buckingham Palace that Kate Middleton had only been able to eat half a bowl of specially prepared leek soup for lunch and had decided to spend the night sleeping under a light blue duvet decorated with yellow flowers and cross-stitching along the borders.

A spokeswoman for number 10 explained the reason for the strange timing of George Osborne's mini-budget:
We had a duty to get the chancellor's autumn statement out as soon as we possibly could - while it's still autumn basically. The idea that we are burying important news about Kate's pregnancy is not true - we just didn't want to have to rename the autumn statement a winter one.

Government sources have also denied reports that officials from the British foreign office had been in talks with Syrian rebels about the possible supply of anti-aircraft weaponry to aid anti-Assad forces in their ground offensive on the outskirts of Damascus in order to detract attention from the fact that Prince William was wearing a sweatshirt, chinos and trainers when he arrived at Kate's hospital with his police protection officer at around 11.30am.


Kernow bys vyken!”